“Gut-punch” to Growth
I keep telling myself the universe is on my side, you got this! Everything happens for a reason, ride it out, good will come; and yet when that “gut-punch” moment came, I was overwhelmed with a psychological blow that completely shattered my sense of security and left me feeling breathless. I had to remind myself that I’m a resilience coach…these are the moments I live for so that I can hone my skills and practice what I preach and put it to the true test. I reminded myself that these moments are still going to happen, even to me; and if it doesn’t work for me, how can I share it with others?
I immediately absorbed the shock, my body felt it in the pit of my stomach. My physiology kicked-in and my autonomic nervous system activated with a quicker heart rate, surge in blood pressure, slight light headedness, scattered thoughts and I quickly recognized it all simultaneously as something I had not felt in a really long time, something that was all too normal when I was dealing regularly with trauma. Trained to fight, I instantly felt argumentative with those around me—my family, the umpire at the game I was watching, the parents sitting around me.
In those seconds that felt like an eternity, I quickly recognized that I had to stabilize my nervous system to be the person I wanted to be. Three deliberate breaths, bring my mind back to the present moment…focus on the batter, feel the cool breeze, notice the dust from the backstop in the air, look around and see the support of families and the power of baseball. It wasn’t working. It wasn’t going back to how I felt before, and I knew it was because I was hit hard with a new reality—like it or not—and I need to accept what I can not change and focus on moving forward. A quick overview of my values—honesty, respect, integrity, effort; a reminder of the neuroscience behind resiliency and that I was reacting normally. Assess my physical mastery—I had slept well and ate healthy, yet I hadn’t moved in a bit because I was sitting watching a baseball game…noted. Mindfulness—I was distracted from the present moment…pull my brain back to the game and my environment. Positivity—use it! Connection to family and friends—real in-person connection and remembering how I want to show up. I tried again, 3 deep breaths, accept, focus, notice, and the mindfulness came back. I got up and moved around and stretched, connected with my husband and daughter through eye contact, and got back into the game. While still uncomfortable with my new reality, I was not off-line, and I recognized that I had regulated my nervous system quickly and I was back in control, ready to grow from this new uncomfortable sensation. I realized it was through my resilience practices, the very ones that I share with others that this gut-punch did not send me completely off-line and it was now an opportunity for growth.
I also realized the hold technology has on us, and the need for that addictive dopamine hit it has so gradually instilled in us. Something I speak to, something I thought I had under control. I was using my phone to follow along with the app the team uses to record the games and to communicate with out-of-town family members who were watching the game live through the app—all well-intentioned uses. Yet when 2 notifications came through for messages from respected colleagues that I hadn’t heard from in awhile, I fell prey to the temptation and went ahead and read them not expecting the “gut-punch” from their innocent inquiries. It was a slow game and I was getting bored. From a neuroscience perspective my brain had gone too long without excitement and subconsciously I wanted the quick fix and I was seeking that boost. I got a little more than I bargained for and allowed technology to disrupt my calm…sounds like a topic for another post!
No matter what the “gut-punch”, the moment of that mental and physical breathlessness can be navigated with greater ease through consistent and preparatory resilience practices because from my personal experience we never know who will throw you a curve ball or when they will hit!
